One of the most repeated advice I hear is to ‘dream big, so big that it scares you because if your dreams doesn’t scare you, then you are NOT dreaming big enough’. I have always felt compelled to exclude myself from taking such advice. Not because I am some high and mighty woman who has everything figured out and does not need to take some melodramatic advice that I bet everyone and their brother has tweeted at least once in the last month alone.
I have always simply felt to exclude myself based on two reasons. One being the lies I have allowed the devil to whisper into my head and I have ridden those lies, all the way to the Scriptures to know NOW that IT IS IN FACT ALL LIES. And two, that my abilities are not nor will be enough to accomplish anything. However, I still held on to the belief that ‘I am more than WHO I THINK I AM’, even if I am too oppressed to do anything about it. So I remained silent, suppressing my gifts and talents, dreams and ambitions; nodded my head every time someone quote the ‘dream big’ advice to me like it was Bible and carried on living.
Everything I could pour my heart into was always done halfheartedly, just in case I failed; then I can tell myself and everybody else that ‘I never tried to begin with’.
Whenever I tell anyone my ‘Saved Story’, I always speak on how God has always dragged me all my life but when I truly said yes to God, my status changed from ‘Being Dragged in Christ’ to ‘Finally Walking in Christ’. I have learnt over the couple of years of finally walking in Christ that this journey is not what I thought it would be, it is NOT MY EXPECTATION, but my REALITY.
Now, I’m walking in Christ. The first year of me finally walking in Christ, I cannot remember many prayers and conversations with God that didn’t end up with me asking God what my purpose is. Again I asked halfheartedly. Not because I didn’t want to know or that I was scared of failing, but because I am scared of failing. I believe as humans we have an innate phobia of failing. I have never met anyone who intentionally wanted to fail but what’s worse is, NOT living OUT MY PURPOSE and just taking God’s grace for granted. With each prayer came more conviction to whole heartedly ask God for what MY PURPOSE IS?
I never thought God would answer my prayer, but he did. He called me to the forefront. I was really nervous, so much so that it took me a while to be submissive to his plan and purpose for my life. I was more shocked that God chose me FOR SOMETHING. HE CHOSE ME. ME? I that He saw do things halfheartedly out of fear of failing. ME? He CHOSE ME? The doubts, fear, anxiety, worries, comparison game had never rushed in so fast. You would have thought it was rush hour or something in my head. Everything came in at once and God spoke in ways I didn’t expect. Again, I say, God’s way and plan for my life is NOT MY EXPECTATION but MY REALITY.
Seasons in this journey with Christ is constantly changing and some seasons I like more than others but those seasons that feels more like ‘I’m personally going through the wilderness’ are the seasons I hate to love, because I believe they make me better and equip for the purpose God has called me to. Sometimes, I think to myself that my purpose looks ‘vaguely similar’ to someone else and then find myself comparing myself to that persons’ or I come across someone who seems like they have a better understanding and knowledge of the Scriptures, they are translating the Bible in Hebrew, French, Italian, Yoruba even and I think to myself, I can’t do that. But I have come to realise through the help of the Holy Spirit that ‘Comparison robs me not only of my JOY but my PURPOSE’. I am here looking at someone else’s purpose when I could use that time to invest more in the area that I need to work on.
One thing I have realised through the help of the Holy Spirit is that, fulfilling God’s purpose over my life means I NEED to CONTIUNE to DEPEND on GOD. Just because God has place this higher calling on my life, that doesn’t mean He has left me to IT. If anything, it means I have to draw closer to him than before; because If, and I do use that ‘If’ very very loosely, so loose that it is NOT even a possibility. If I somehow accomplish God’s purpose all by myself, then I will want to take the glory and the Spirit of God will NOT be in me. But I for one, love the Spirit of God and I want God’s spirit to always abide in me.
For someone who excluded herself from the race because she was so scared to dream. God planted in me a purpose so big that NOT only SCARES me but because I am planted in CHRIST, I DON’T have to FULFIL MY PURPOSE MYSELF, but TRUST God to bring the good works which He started to a COMPLETE FINISH; and so should you.
‘For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’ – Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)
‘And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you’re right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.’ – 1 Corinthians 7:17 (MSG)
‘For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.’ – 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)
‘And the Lord said to Gideon, “The people who are with you are too many for Me to give the Midianities into their hands, lest Israel claim glory for itself against Me, saying, ‘My own hand saved me’. – Judges 7:2 (NKJV)
**Another versions says – ‘The lord said to Gideon, “You have too many warriors with you. If I let you all of you fight the Midianites, the Israelites will boast to me that they saved themselves by their own strength’. – Judges 7:2 (NLT)
‘But Amos stood up to Amaziah: “I never set up to be a preacher, never had plans to be a preacher. I raised cattle and I pruned trees. The God took me off the farm and said, ‘Go preach to my people Israel’. – Amos 7:14-15 (MSG)